It’s normal for humans to freak out a little bit … times of heightened emotion can spur us toward needed action. But we also don’t want to live a life of over-reaction. The issue we are covering here is not if it is okay to freak out. It’s what to do if it’s happening too much and getting in the way of our day-to-day process. If your routines feel plagued by triggers and overwhelm, but the circumstances around you seem fairly normal, then it may be time to cultivate a little emotional resilience. It’s a life skill that makes a big difference.
What Is Emotional Resilience?
Emotional resilience is the ability to release, rest, and reset. As kooky as the idea of mindfulness might seem, it really does help to allow an emotional experience to hit, then let it go. We have to make way for the other emotions we will cross paths with, make way for recovery, make way for a second round of what knocked us on our butt the first time, and make way for the supportive parts we become blind to. Emotional resilience comes through after you have spent the night crying your eyes out, then still get up and, make some breakfast, and get on with your day.
Resilience is not pretending to be fine. It’s more of an idea of being hurt or bruised and having the ability to keep going. You are allowed to feel things, even express things, but you are also able to take your next steps.
And this is not something we are trained to do. More often, we’re told to hide the emotions or push them down. It is a learned and practiced skill, so you can choose to practice hiding or practice resilience. Which sounds healthier? Which works better?
Can You Learn Emotional Resilience?
Absolutely. There are teachable aspects to emotional resilience. Almost like getting the ingredients for a meal together. It might not come out perfect the first time, but as you bump into life, you practice and learn to recover a little more each time.
Each time you fall apart, open yourself up to a wider life experience (the struggles with the successes, the challenges with the opportunities), each time you reassemble yourself, something gets steadier.
And yes, therapy can help. When approaching emotional resilience at Pathways Family Therapy, we don’t hand you a cookie-cutter to-do list in order to be happy and resilient. We understand your process, your needs, your abilities, and help develop awareness and responses that apply to your life.
When working with us, there are five traits of emotional resilience you might come across.
1. Self-Awareness: Seeing What’s Really There
What’s really happening here? Our brains and bodies have all kinds of flashing lights and alarm systems. Some of them are really astute and helpful, and some of them are a little over-sensitive and enable. A great way to know the difference, is to be present.
It helps to pay attention to how you react when you’re afraid, angry, or ashamed. Figure out what triggers you and how well the response is serving you. How well are you tolerating discomfort. Is the discomfort expected, given the situation, or is it an over-reaction?
To foster Self-Awareness: Catch yourself in the middle of the mess. Notice what’s happening in your body when your mind starts sprinting. Ask, “What’s really going on here?” instead of “What’s wrong with me?” This is not always about fixing the problem. It’s important to recognize our experience and responses, as these are important signals. Our body and mind work extremely well together when they respect one-another and work together.
2. Emotional Regulation: Riding the Waves
Regulation is an important aspect of resilience. Like self-awareness, regulation helps you become resilient.
Regulation is actually a way to feel things. You are allowed to feel big things. Cry if you need to. But don’t let it completely unravel your day in the process. Be mad. But still pack your lunch. The waves of emotions come, but there are ways to go under them, over them, and around them, instead of feeling like they always hit you head on.
To foster Emotional Regulation: Do something grounding—something that connects you back to your body so you can help it find it’s way back to baseline. Breathe, stretch, step outside, rest, release. Emotional regulation is about remembering you’re not just a brain floating around trying to make sense of things. You are alive and have agency in your life.
3. Optimism: You’re Going to Be Okay
You have been through rough things before. And here you are. You made it through difficult times and came out stronger or more prepared. We are not saying that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes bad things happen, and recognizing our self-worth, resilience and capabilities can help us build an optimism that we deserve.
Optimism is the quiet, stubborn belief that you will get through and things can get better—that healing is possible, even if it’s not immediate or easy. Optimism says an opportunity will dawn, things can shift, I’ve made it before and will indeed make it again.
To foster Optimism: Remember your record of success and survival. Look for signs of progress, no matter how small. Did you get out of bed? Great. Did you text a friend back instead of disappearing? Even better. Be thankful for things in your life. Notice what’s not terrible and notice what’s working. Every journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. That’s how optimism sneaks back in.
4. Connection: The Lifeline
We need people, even when we swear we don’t. Connection helps keep us tethered to reality—it’s what stops us from disappearing too far into our own thoughts. The resilient know this: we survive better together. We’re not even talking about group therapy or accountability partners. Just plain old connection. Connection isn’t about fixing each other. It is about being in the waves together.
To foster Connection: Reach out, even if it feels awkward. Say, “I’m not okay, but I wanted to say hi.” Let someone see the unfiltered version of you. Perfection isolates us. Presence heals us. If you find you don’t have able support around you, seek out therapy, a body of faith… something that connects you. Even an empathic pet can offer connection in tough times.
5. Purpose: The Compass in the Chaos
Purpose doesn’t mean saving the world. It’s smaller and quieter than that. It’s the thread that helps you make sense of things when life looks like a Jackson Pollock painting. Purpose gives you a reason to get up and try again even when everything is a confusing mess.
To foster Purpose: Ask what makes you feel alive—not what makes you look good. It might be parenting, painting, volunteering, or learning to bake the perfect loaf of bread. Purpose doesn’t need to impress anyone. It just needs to pull you toward something true to you.
The Core Components of Resilience Training
It can be tough to navigate in the midst of struggle. That’s normal. Build upon your experience one step at a time.
Emotional resilience includes:
- Recognizing your patterns
- Learning to tolerate discomfort without self-destructing
- Building trust in your ability to recover
- Connecting to meaningful relationships
- Having a greater purpose that eclipses the struggles
- Cultivate humor—because laughter allows release
- Stay curious about your own healing instead of rushing it
Therapy helps you practice these steps until they stop feeling like survival mode and start feeling like everyday life. You realize resilience isn’t about never breaking—it’s about learning how to mend without losing your essentials.
Get Help Building Emotional Resilience in San Diego
If you’re ready to build emotional resilience—not by numbing yourself, but by learning to live more fully—our team in San Diego can help.
Call 619-541-5036, or fill out the contact request here to begin your therapy toward a steadier, kinder relationship with yourself.
